Category: Don’t Ask Why

Even adults show childish side

Sometimes I feel sorry for my wife. She is a bright, responsible, beautiful, young businesswoman full of ambition and a wide-open future of opportunities…. Who seems, at times, to have married an 8-year-old. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying I’m a child. I am fully capable of tying my own shoes, blowing my own nose and operating the toaster […]

Read more ›

Soap game latest family craze

There’s a game we spontaneously play every few weeks at our house. It’s sort of like Chicken, the daredevil stunt where two cars race directly at each other until one yields. But we play with antibacterials. The game is called Let the Bathroom Soap Dispenser Get Completely Empty and Wait to See Who Caves First and Fills It Back Up. […]

Read more ›

Yard-care advice: Leaf it alone

The eulogy at my funeral—which will take place in early September 2063 according to deathclock.com—will most certainly include this sentence: “For someone who disliked yard work so much, he sure did a lot of it.” When wife Hanna and I bought our house out here on North Adams last fall, the yard maintenance season was winding down, so we didn’t […]

Read more ›

Column spans half a lifetime

If you were to simply calculate it by years, I’ve now been writing this column for half of my life. (If you were to actually do the math, however, that milestone would land somewhere in August. But I didn’t want to.) What started as a summer hobby in 2002 has stretched 12 years. I’m thank­ful for the opportunities it has […]

Read more ›

Poetic sentiments for Mom

Mother’s Day is this Sunday (Surprise!), and I’ve been perplexed as to what gift I should give Mom. A card, of course, is nonnegotiable; it’s a token of appreciation that says, “I care about you enough to spend at least a few minutes in the card aisle sifting through mounds of glitter and butterflies.” But what about the gift? What […]

Read more ›

‘Russia’ invades family kitchen

There’s conflict brewing in our house. To use a metaphor from current events, if our kitchen was Ukraine, then healthy foods are Russia. And we’re talking about a Russia with serious weapons of mass reduction: low calorie, high protein, low carb, high fiber, low fat weapons. Weapons with no artificial preservatives or high fructose corn syrup. Weapons that don’t come […]

Read more ›

Past prom plan now seems…?

It was every high school students’ nightmares come true: It was prom night. I didn’t have a date. I sat by myself. I wore the wrong clothes. Nobody even noticed I was there. I spent the whole time in the corner. And I left early. Then again, this happened last Saturday, not in 2008, and I was the sound guy. […]

Read more ›

Backyard is the cat’s meow

When Jordan controlled Eastern Jerusalem from 1948 through 1967, Jews were restricted from visiting the western retaining wall of the Temple Mount. In 2010, 10 million practicing Jews made the pilgrimage to sacred Wailing Wall. To come near to the temple is to come near to God. In the six decades following 1892, Ellis Island in Upper New York Bay […]

Read more ›

Nothing like ‘Great Outdoors’

There’s nothing quite like that first day of spring-like weather to subconsciously erase the bitter claustrophobia of an entire winter completely from your memory. Perhaps it’s the unadulterated kiss of pure golden sunlight on your skin, the faint whisper of sweet pollen wafting through the air, or the insatiable need to write in the style of a lunatical William Wordsworth. […]

Read more ›

Awards shows miss real world

I don’t generally watch the glitzy Hollywood award shows on TV, but I happened to catch the final half hour of last weekend’s Oscars. I quickly became aware of two things. First, my tastes in cinematic excellence must be way off, because while the Academy honored depressing film after depressing film after deeply and horrifically and bone-chillingly depressing film, I’m […]

Read more ›