Sideline Slants

Written by by Joe Kleinsasser Tuesday, 04 January 2000 18:00

Congratulations! You made it to another century or millennium, depending on your definition. No one Congratulations! You made it to another century or millennium, depending on your definition. No one on Earth knows the precise moment the world will end. However, don’t be too surprised if some happenings in the sports world give us some clues. It’s a sign of the end times if... n the current BCS format is still being used to determine the NCAA Division I football championship in 2010. -- the NCAA implements a rational and workable plan to determine a legitimate football national champion. -- K-State is invited to a BCS bowl as an at-large team. -- K-State plays a nonconference schedule that warrants its invitation as an at-large team. -- Bobby Knight gives up coaching so he can become a basketball official. -- a basketball game is played anywhere in Kansas and no one yells at an official. -- there’s a year without a rules change in football and basketball. -- the Hillsboro High School girls and boys basketball teams have losing records in the same season. -- a coach tells an official, “You know, that last call you made against our opponent was wrong. We touched the ball last. Let’s do the sporting thing and give them the ball.” -- Tabor College wins a KCAC football championship. -- soccer becomes the No. 1 sport in America. -- KU football becomes more popular than KU basketball. -- the Kansas City Royals are still in Kansas City in 2025. -- Hillsboro builds an indoor swimming pool. -- Hillsboro and Marion fans have a joint tailgate party before a Trojans/Warriors football game. -- a professional athlete tells the owner, “You know, I didn’t play very well last season. I deserve a cut in pay. Let’s reduce my salary by $100,000.” -- professional owners show enough restraint in signing free agents to allow them to reduce ticket prices. -- university athletic directors agree to reduce ticket prices for early-season games against cupcake opponents that provide the necessary number of wins for bowl or tournament eligibility but put fans to sleep. -- the University of Nebraska gains more yardage passing than running during the football season. -- the Super Bowl lives up to all the hype. -- professional boxing is free of scandals. -- the Olympics are free of scandals. -- Kansas City elects Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis as mayor. -- boxing promoter Don King sports a crew cut. -- student athletes really are students first at the majority of NCAA Division I schools. -- the NCAA enforcement division closes because all universities are obeying the rules. -- the NCAA enforcement division closes because all alumni are obeying the rules. -- officials are no longer needed because of the willingness of players to call fouls or penalties on themselves. -- there are no strikes by players in professional sports in the next 10 years. -- Charmin and Ex-lax co-sponsor the Toilet Bowl to determine the worst team in NCAA football. -- Shaquille O’Neal makes more than 50 percent of his free throws for the season. -- another basketball player as good as Michael Jordan comes around in the 21st century. -- the World Series actually includes everyone in the world. -- everyone agrees with my opinions. There is some evidence that the end times are closer than we think. For example... -- the Indianapolis Colts and St. Louis Rams are in the playoffs, and the Denver Broncos and San Francisco 49ers aren’t. -- Notre Dame didn’t qualify for a football bowl game. -- Notre Dame is on probation for violating NCAA rules. -- the Hillsboro High School boys’ basketball team lost two games before Christmas. -- Indiana State beat Indiana in men’s basketball. Happy year 2000!